The Ravenous Creator

Just a few minutes ago I handed off two signed papers to my boss, announcing that on June 29th 2012 I will be leaving my job. Its bittersweet because while I’m quite fond of the people I work with and have done and IMMENSE amount of growing here, it is time that I move on and pursue my dreams.

I’ve never done anything like this before. Though I appear to have the spontaneity and ease of a free-spirited individual, the truth is I’m much more of a walk-the-line sort of person. All my life I’ve played it safe. I opted for a traditional Univeristy instead of Art School or Parsons for fear of disappointing my family. I stayed at a job for nearly five years because I convinced myself that I could never make money at the things I love. That they were just hobbies and nothing more.

And maybe I won’t be able to make money from them.  Maybe they are meant to be just hobbies. But how will I know for sure if I don’t at least try? So I’m stepping out on faith and giving it a go.  If it doesn’t work out, well then, back to the drawing board. I’d rather fail at something I love than sit in a cubicle wondering “what if?” for the rest of my life.

I’ll be posting a little less frequently for the next few weeks, but I promise I will be back with more posts soon!

Yay…a pity party text post :-/ 

I’m not feeling well today.  Haven’t felt that great for the past week for that matter. Between the doctors, the tests, trying to juggle photography with my full time job and now dealing with a rather harsh  and very public criticism of work I already knew wasn’t my  best, I am exhausted. I’m doubting myself and any small amount of talent I thought I had.  And I hate it. 

I know I need tougher skin, but I wouldn’t know where to begin. I’ve always been sensitive to other’s opinions about me. This transition from slaving away at a 9-5 to pursuing my creative endeavors full time was supposed to be an affront to that. And now I’m not entirely sure I can go through with it.

BUT even with that uncertainty, I move forward. Am I the best photographer? No, I’ve only been doing this for a little less than a year and I have A LOT to learn. Am I the most skilled seamstress? Hell no. All I know is that I was meant to do more than rot away in a cubicle for the rest of my life.  And I’d rather be  dead wrong about myself and be told by a hundred people I’ve NEVER met how atrocious my photography is than settle for a life I know I’m not meant to live. And so, I work through the hurt and the frustration. I brush away my tears and I continue to learn.

 I move forward :-)